


Rising From The Ashes of Your Past

by My_Rebel_Heart



Category: The 100
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 08:47:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5737243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Rebel_Heart/pseuds/My_Rebel_Heart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the new EMT Clarke Griffin arrives for her first shift, Lexa Woods doesn't take too kindly to her dead friend being replaced. Can Lexa rise from the ashes or will the grief consume her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rising From The Ashes of Your Past

**Author's Note:**

> First major story so expect a lot of mistakes since I rewrote this three times.

Chapter One

It had been exactly one month to the day since Lexa had lost Costia, one incredibly long month of just surviving. Costia may have died a hero but that didn't make it easier to move on with her life, one tiny stupid mistake was all it took for her to lose her best friend forever.  
The guilt that Lexa had struggled with continued to claw its way at the back of her mind where she had caged it; refusing to be forgotten and keeping the memories fresh and raw, salt on the never healing wounds.  
Her feet pounded against the cool concrete; the heat from the morning sun having yet to warm it, were almost in sync with the beating of her heart. Beads of sweat ran down her sun kissed skin as she pushed herself beyond her limits to out run the guilt that was determined to swallow her into its endless abyss.  
The music blasting out of her iPod was silenced by the flash backs in her head, the heavy guitars of Blackout dulled to a buzz in her ears. Blackness crept in from the corners of her vision, Lexa screwed her eyes shut and forced her feet ever forward towards her goal.  
She knew she couldn't outrun this feeling, maybe she never could. Moving on felt like letting go, if she moved on she might forget her; forget iris' a deep shade of muddy brown that reminded her of the solid earth beneath her feet. The flowing mane of curly raven hair that danced effortlessly in the wind like a flame. She couldn't let go, she couldn't forget.  
Pushing her body to the limits seemed to be the only way to keep Costia's memory alive in her head.  
Lexa slowed her pace at the sight of her sister waiting for her at the bench, bottle of water held firmly in her hand and a smirk gracing her lips.  
  
"Hey"

Lexa yanked the headphones from her ears and breathed in deep and slow, holding in the oxygen as it burned her lungs before releasing it.  
Her green eyes danced over the features of the woman who stood before her; her long brown hair was messy from the wind and her dark smokey eyes were dull and tired.  
  
"Hey yourself kid. I got a call from the Chief, she said you weren't answering your cell ... she seemed pretty pissed by the way"

"Yeah, I must have left it at my apartment"

"Anyway, I figured you'd be here... punishing yourself"

"Don't start Anya" Lexa crossed her arms over her chest defensively. Wishing desperately to not be having this conversation, as much as she loved Anya she didn't need or want this right now.  
Anya glanced down at her younger sibling who stood just a few inches shorter than herself and rolled her eyes.

"Look you're not the only one who lost Tia, Lex. She was like a sister to me too, what happened wasn't your fault you can't keep doing this to yourself"

Reaching out a hand she squeezed Lexa's shoulder. Lexa gave a small half hearted smile before taking the water from her siblings hand and drank greedily.

"I need to get to the fire house, can you give me a lift?"

Anya chuckled and playfully bumped her shoulder into Lexa's and nodded as they made their way back to the parking lot.  
The ride back to the fire house was quiet, Anya kept her eyes firmly on the road ahead of her and Lexa kept her hands busy by peeling the label off of the bottle that was held firmly in her grip.  
She pulled up to the fire house and parked the car on the furtherest side of the lot, turning off the ignition she turned in her seat to face Lexa.

"Thank you for the ride" Lexa mumbled.

Her mind still running wild with untameable horrors; all tangled up in a web built of regret and guilt.

"Yeah sure"

Lexa moved in the passenger seat to open the door, she had barely pushed it ajar before she was stopped.

"Lex wait, there's something I need to tell you"

Lexa turned back in her seat to face the older sibling, giving her her full attention. Lexa forced the unsettling weight that was sinking fast in the endless pit that was her stomach. The seriousness of Anya's words sent Lexa's mind spiralling from endless unanswered questions, she drew in a ragged breath and mentally prepared herself for whatever bombshell Anya was about to drop.

"My unit is being redeployed. I leave in a few days."

And there is was, it hit Lexa square in the chest leaving her dumbstruck. Anya's voice trailed off into the background her words muffled and falling on deaf ears. A hand came into her line of sight and rested upon her shoulder squeezing comfort, shrugging it off she moved to open the door.

"Lex? Where are you...?"

Exiting the car Lexa spun on her heel to face her sibling before standing up straight.

"I have to get to work"

Anya jumped out of the vehicle, resting one arm on the top of the partially open door and the other on the roof. She stood there frozen, torn between stopping Lexa and giving her the space she clearly needed.

"We need to talk about this Lex. Please? I can't leave without talking about this"

Lexa ignored her siblings request, putting her headphones in and turning the volume up into the red she pulled open the door to the fire house.  
The door was old and was usually in need of a serious oiling. This time however the door flew open, and Lexa came crashing into a blue eyed blonde. Lexa's reflexes kicked in almost instantly and she caught the woman before they both ended up in a heaped mess on the station floor.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry"

Lexa took a minute to take in the mysterious blonde. Her hair was pulled away from her pale face and up into a messy bun leaving her features exposed to the elements, winter was brutal in Ton DC this time of year and her red nose was more than enough proof that the weather was turning and summer was long past.

"No need to be sorry, it was my fault." Lexa paused. "Are you ok?"

The woman looked up from her feet hesitantly, her ocean blue eyes locking with Lexa's before handing her the bottle of water that had fallen to the floor.

"Uh yeah... I'm Clarke by the way"

Lexa watched Clarke's eyes flick down towards her lips and saw her swallow, before she cleared her throat and took a step away from the blonde.

"Lexa"

"Wood's, I see you've met Clarke Griffin"

Lexa turned to see Indra heading out of her office.

"Chief"

"Griffin here will be working along side Nyko as our new EMT"

Her face paled at the information Indra had given her. They were replacing Costia? It had only been a month, was she that easily replaceable? Didn't they care for her? They were meant to be family.

"Wait, what?"

Indra gave her a "not now" look, to which Lexa returned with a look of her own before storming off towards the locker room.

"I'm sorry, did I do something wrong?"

It was the first time Clarke had spoken since Indra had interrupted them, she shuffled nervously from foot to foot and Indra let out an exasperated sigh.

"Not at all" she motioned Clarke towards her small dusty office.

"Costia, the woman you're taking over from" she began as she shut the door firmly behind them.

"The woman that died in the fire?" Clarke guessed, as she made her way towards the chairs positioned in front of the desk. Clarke wasn't stupid she had seen the news, heard the whispers of gossip. She knew what she was getting herself into the second she applied for the job.

"Yes, well they were close" Indra stood behind her desk, her back facing Clarke as her fingers traced over the photo of a young woman.

"We all were" she mumbled, she cleared her throat before turning to look at the woman seated in front of her.

Clarke understood the pain they felt, she had lost someone too. Although, to her it seemed like a lifetime ago but still the wounds remained as fresh as the day she had received them. She bore the burden of those scars and carried the ghost of the father she once had.  
She understood the way Lexa had acted for she felt the same when her mother introduced her to Kane. Clarke knew the feeling well, she had felt like her mother was replacing her father with some man.

An uncomfortable silence filled the small office and hung heavy in the air. Indra wore a solem expression; her eyes glazed over as she relived the memory of that day. Clarke couldn't bear it any longer, the silence brought memories of her own flooding back, the silence that filled her home after her father's death.

"May I ask what happened?"

Indra blinked, the spell which held her in the past was broken and she snapped back into the present almost instantly; her eyes no longer glazed but shimmering with unspilt tears.

"The short version?"

She wasn't expecting an answer but Clarke nodded anyway, unable to trust the strength of her voice which she felt quiver in her throat.

"We responded to a fire at an apartment building down on third, we were told there was still a mother and her son trapped somewhere on the 5th floor. What we weren't told however was that the building was structurally unstable."

Indra breathed in a deep breath, the emotion raw in her voice but she continued on.

"Lexa and Costia went in going room to room, clearing the floor as protocol demands. They found the mother and the child inside an apartment at the end of the hall. The fire hadn't reached that far yet but the smoke had, it was the thickest I've seen and I've seen a lot in my years. Lexa took the boy and made sure the mother got down the ladder to safety, before following down after her. Costia went to back clear the last room, said she would be right behind them and then the building gave way. Costia was still in there when it came down on her, she didn't stand a chance."

The silence came flooding back; this time thicker, almost like the smoke that claimed the building that day. It filled Clarke's lungs with a sadness that overwhelmed her senses, she struggled to hold back the tears that threatened to spill over.

"I am so sorry Indra" she croaked.

"Thank you, we lost a lot that day."

Clarke excused herself from Indra's office and made her way towards the locker room. She had a strange urge to comfort Lexa, to tell her she knows what it's like to feel that loss and it was in that moment that she decided she would do exactly that.


End file.
